June 5, 2009


Surprisingly I've gotten a few emails asking how I've been and asking for an update.

I've been doing alright, but sadly, I'm still not pregnant.

My period is coming today, I feel it, and I'm really depressed about it.

I've been going to an RE and have done 3 cycles of double natural IUIs with trigger shots. My husband is so concerned about multiples that taking any drugs with the iui seems to be out of the question. I ovulate fine, and I always have one juicy follicle for the iui. I've had the complete b/w done and everything checks out fine. Hubby had another SA and the kroger test done, and everything is fine. (The drs are actually very impressed with his high sperm count, although his mobility count is slightly low.) I'm supposed to schedule a sonohysterogram for this week and then have another consultation with the dr. I'm preparing myself for our next step - or close to the next step: IVF with 1 embryo transfer. I'm going to have to talk it over and try to convince my husband this is the next step if we don't do drugs with iui. This will be tough, because he doesn't believe in all this. He wants me to go see another RE for a second opinion. But I'm not sure what he wants an opinion on. An iui is an iui - doesn't matter what dr you go to. But keep in mind we're going to a very good RE in nyc. This is not some rinky dink 1 man show in the boondocks.

Mentally I've been doing ok, except for the few days surrounding my period, naturally. I still get those sobbing sessions and my heart aches. But I certainly don't obsess about getting pregnant like I once did. I eat sushi and drink wine when I want. I buy clothes without thinking they may not fit in a few months. And the only charting I do is when my period comes, when I ovulate and when I get the IUIs.

It's been over 2 years since we started trying to become pregnant. When I used to read other blogs and saw a time frame like that, I was in shock that it was taking them so long. I was ignorant. So ignorant. I wish I could personally apologize to anyone I ever secretly judged about their infertility.

This is a journey I don't wish upon anyone. It's hard, it's painful and it's draining. But I continue hoping for my little miracle. A little miracle that brings so much joy and happiness. A little miracle that is mine to take care of. To feed. To hold. To love.

And with that, I continue my journey...