August 31, 2008

Change In Plans

Yesterday I got a high reading. In the past, once I get the high reading, the next day I see a peak reading. And that means I'm ovulating sooner than I was hoping for. So i called the dr about changing my iui date. Naturally I had to wait for a call back because it was a Sat, and it wasn't even my dr who called me back. It was the annoying one I spoke to on Fri, Mrs. i-couldn't-care-less-about-you. So when i spoke to her yesterday she was like "oh, well, we're not in until Tuesday, ok, so maybe you just wait and we do it on Tuesday, or wait and do it next month, ok". (I think she was annoyed because to her, this was SOO not an emergency and she was on her way to the hospital.)

But whatever, no, it's not ok. I've waiting 16 months, i'm not giving up on this cycle just because your not in, i will go someplace else. I don't care who's sticking what up my hooha anymore. So i finally got her to suggest another clinic. I immediately called them (they were very nice) and scheduled something for 9:30am today (Sunday), (again, because I expected I would get a peak reading). She also said after the insemination, we could schedule the following day for the 2nd iui. Yeay, sounds like a plan.

Change in plan.

I didn't get my peak reading this morning. I have a feeling I will surge later today. Which will probably work out better. They say to do the iui 12-24 hrs after the surge. So if I surge later today and get the iui done tomorrow morning, then I'll have good timing.

(Thank god for the internet. Because thats the only way for me to get any information about all this. The drs don't tell me anything.)

So thats the deal. I'll call them at 8:30 when they open, and reschedule my iui for tomorrow morning (Monday) and also have one done on Tuesday.

Oh, and if you didn't notice, we didn't go away this weekend. Not that surprising because we always seem to change our plans.

August 29, 2008

Naturally Artificial

When i spoke to my dr last week to discuss doing an iui this cycle, he suggested this first round to be natural. No drugs, no monitoring, and to me a waste of time and money. But i went with his recommendation. It's certainly the least stressful and we don't have to worry about multiples.


At this point I'm still with my obgyn, but i think it's time i moved on to an RE. The fact that the office is not opened on holidays and weekends, and that I have to go to a lab to get the sperm washed then take it to my drs office, well, just doesn't seem right when the timing of things is so important. I had to beg for an early appointment at the lab because they were completely booked (it's the same place where I had to wait 2 months for a sa). Then I had to schedule an appointment with my dr. In the meantime, because i'm not taking any drugs, this is all speculation. This is all assuming i ovulate when I should/want to. And that's This Tuesday.

I'm scheduled for an IUI on Tuesday!!

Tuesday will be cd14. I scheduled things based on the fact that I will ovulate like a normal person, and Tues morning my dr will be back in the office. And, we are going away for the long weekend, so i really, really hope i ovulate on time. Timing is so crucial this month.

I don't think this iui will be successful, but I am hopeful, just like I've been for the past 16 cycles.

When i told hubby about my appointments and the iui on Tuesday, I don't think he got it right away. It takes him a while to absorb information, and even though I've been telling him that I'll be ovulating soon, I don't think he realized the turkey basting would happen so quickly. When he was finally comfortable with collecting his spermies in a cup on Tuesday, he forgot the part that 2 hours later I would be inseminated. So I explained again, telling him he could probably come with me (i mean, it would be nice to know he was present for this process, but it's not necessary). He had to sit with it for a while, like all night. Then this morning he asked when my appointment was. I said around 11, but he wanted an exact time. I told him I couldn't give him one, but it will be around 11am, 2 hours after the wash. Then he said, 'well, will it be before 2?'

How many times do I have to explain this process???? I told him (several times) that we bring his sperm to the lab at 9am for washing. Around 2 hours later, I bring it to the dr and I get basted. Is that SO hard to comprehend???

Well, whatever, as long as I see a peak reading Tuesday morning and then get his sperm at 8:45 for the 9am appointment at the lab, then he can do whatever he wants.

Sure, it seems so cold and unnatural, but obviously, the loving and natural way of getting pregnant is not working for us. So lets focus on the fact I'm not on drugs yet, and it's as natural as an artificial insemination can be.

August 19, 2008

Silly Me



In my almost-two-years of charting, i've only had a 30 day cycle once. But I kinda knew it would be on the late side because my lovely ClearBlue Fertility Monitor said I ovulated late this month.

my boobs are still sore, and getting sorer by the day. Usually they get less sore with each day leading up to my period. I guess not this month. This month they want to do the opposite. They like to trick me. Every month they do something a little different, just to keep me on my toes.

Oh, the dr sent me hubbys sa. Now i can obsess over the numbers.
His number first, normal range in parenthesis.

volume 3.8 (2.0)
concentration 101 (20)
total count 383 (40)
motility 47% (50%)
ph 7.8 (7.2-8.0)
forward progression 3.5 (3.0)
liquefaction norm/non-visc (non visc)
round cells <1.0 (<3.0)
Morphology 11% (>30%)

Like the dr said, his total count number is wonderfully high, but morphology is not normal.

I think i feel my period coming, as I type this. I knew that hpt was a waste.

August 18, 2008

Hate To Wait

My period still hasn't shown its ugly red face.


I'm pretty positive i'm not pregnant but I actually bought hpts today. I never use them. It's a waste of money. After the 2nd or 3rd month of trying I promised myself I would never use one again, unless I was at least 2-3 days late.

But i'm thinking if I don't get my period by first thing tomorrow morning, I'll take a test. Because if by the smallest, tiniest, amazing less-then-3% chance I am pregnant, then I want to tell hubby before I leave for the beach. I'll be leaving with my mom before he gets home tomorrow, and I couldn't image going through the week not telling him, or even telling him over the phone. I know, I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but at least I can stop worrying if my periods going to show, and just worry about when.

In the meantime, if it does show, I mean, when it shows, it looks like I'll be away, and won't be able to get to the dr. on cd3. Unless it comes on Fri or Sat, which would be Super late! But i think it will come sometime tomorrow.

This blows. This means we'll have to wait till next month to do the first iui treatment. maybe I'll beg for more blood work, or an ultrasound. I just want to feel like I'm doing something this month. I'm done with just sitting back and waiting for things to happen.

Oh, did i mention my sister is out there too. Apparently she doesn't move her ass anymore cause she's too tired and too pregnant. She likes sitting and waiting for people to do everything for her.

I'm starving. I hate waiting for hubby to come home so we can eat dinner.

August 17, 2008

My Lucky Day

When Hubby came back from the gym yesterday morning, he said "OK, let's do it your way". I started to cry.

So now we're back on schedule. I just really hope to get my period either tonight or tomorrow morning. This way I can call the dr and make an appointment for Tues. I'm leaving with my mom Tues night to go to E.Hampton and I'll be home Sat. So getting it late Tues (or after) would suck. I don't want to have to call the dr, and wait for him to call me back while I'm with her. That would be bad. She's so nosey and into everyones shit. It would be impossible to have a 5 min private conversation without her asking about it. I also don't know if the dr would prescribe me clomid without seeing him. hmm. Well, if he does, then while I'm away Hubby can pick up my meds and I'll be on my merry way to treatment #1.

Honestly, I'm not even expecting an iui to work. I mean, there's gotta be something wrong, and I need to find what it is. Maybe I need more blood work done. Maybe my entire uterus is a sheet of scar tissue. Maybe I have endo, or cysts all over my ovaries. Maybe my eggs sucks. I just don't think that after 16 months of trying, i'll suddenly get pregnant with an iui. (and i know it's happened to people before, and the one blogger I'm thinking about, well, she was certainly a lucky one ;) )

At this point, I feel like I'll never be/get pregnant. I feel like it's one of those things that will never happen to me. I've been dreaming and hoping for it for so long, I just can't picture it happening to me anymore. I see pregnant women and I think to myself how lucky they are.

I found a penny on heads in the bathroom at the restaurant last night. Maybe it will bring me some luck.

August 16, 2008

It's Only a Dream

This morning I woke up feeling positive and excited, but when I had a second to realize it was just a dream, everything was back to normal.


I've been very crampy these past two days and my boobs started hurting cd26, and each day they get a little worse. Some people might think this is pregnancy symptoms, but I've been down this road way too many times. I know my boobs can start hurting anywhere from 10 - 3 days before my period arrives. This month the pain comes late because I know I ovulated late. My periods come anywhere from cd27 to cd30, but most of the time it's a 28 or 29 day cycle. I ovulated about 3-4 days late this month so I'm expecting my period to come around cd31. So, knowing that, all my pms symptoms are totally normal.

Oh, my dream by the way... I had a positive pregnancy test. But i didn't believe it was accurate because after a few minutes of only seeing one line, I had thrown it in a large potted plant. And when I picked it out several minutes later, I saw the pink lines and thought the chemicals from the Miracle Grow was giving it a positive read. I was contemplating taking another test but decided to continue eating my stinky soft cheese and wine.

August 14, 2008


umm, i just found out my husband doesnt want to do iui. he says he 'doesnt believe in it', and we should do more research about doing it naturally.

wtf. get off your fucking ass and do some research. i've been researching for 2 years now.

i guess hes so fucking proud of his sperm count he just knows it will happen naturally and I need to relax.

i'm so fucking pissed, upset, angry, frustrated, ... i dont even know.

he's moving the car right now and will be back in a few seconds.

i'll write more tomorrow.


omg, i think i was in such a rage that I did a total brain fart.

I don't have to be here on cd5. Hopefully I get my period by Tues, then I can go see my dr and get a prescription, and just start taking it on cd5. If i get my period late, then I'll just go to him when I get back, which would be around, or on cd5. Either way, i think I'll be ok.

wow, i totally freaked about it for no reason.

I really need to talk to hubby about things, but he's so mad at me he's not going to want to talk about it.

Oh, and did I mention I'm being audited by the IRS. Yeah, for 2005. It sucks trying to get canceled checks and credit card statements from so long ago. The appointment is supposed to be this Tues, and my accountant is not being very helpful. She's the one going to the appointment but i cant get a hold of her. I left a message telling her we may need to postpone it because I will not have all the back I need in time. Needless to say, she never got back to me. So i'm stressing about things.

In the meantime, I'm kinda crampy today. I don't know what it means. The stupid charts that I've been keeping for almost two years aren't helping me at all. Some months I'm crampy, others not. Whatever. I'm so over this. Hubby, shoot your sperm in a cup, and Dr put it up me.

The Results Are In, But You Have To Wait

We have waited an entire week for the dr to get back to us about hubbys sa results.
This is what I got out of it.... Everything looks fine. His overall number is very high, like 5x higher than normal. Dr told me his number was 383, and anything over 40 is good. So, looks like his count is excellent. On the other hand, he said the percentage of abnormalities is high. He wasn't very concerned about the high percentage because of the overall count. If the overall count is so high, then the abnormalities are going to be higher too. So, that being said, he continued to say he doesn't specialize in male fertility and if we're concerned, we should go see a urologist.

We then spoke about next steps. IUI with clomid, but I should call him when I get my period.

Clomid is supposed to start on day 5, and I'm supposed to be away during that time. This is where things get messy, so I'll give you the short story.

Every year my parents rent a house in the Hamptons. Hubby hates going there and he hates staying over. But not for reasons you may think. (You should know that I'm married to the biggest hard headed and stubborn guy ever. I really wish he was a little more easy going.)

The houses are always really nice, usually a 3-4 bedroom with a pool, and close to the beach. My parents are good, generous people and we have a good relationship. We see them for holidays and birthdays and once in a while we'll go out to dinner with them. Nothing crazy like a family meal every week. They never just show up at our apartment and we rarely, if ever hang out during the day with them. We are definitely closer to my family and see them much more than his, merely because his family are all in North Carolina.

Anyway, every year it's a fight about going to the Hamptons. Whether its for several days, a weekend, or just a one nighter, we always fight about it. I enjoy going. It's relaxing. It's getting out of the city. So for the past few years I've been going down with my mom and staying a few days with just her. Hubby then meets me there, stays for 2 days and then we leave and go on a vacation together.

For the past month (or longer) I have been telling him about a get together my moms been planning with my cousins and sister on the 23rd. We rarely see my cousin and I know I have to be there.

Well, this morning we got into a huge fight, again. He mentioned that he has 2 days off, the 25 - 26th. I reminded him about my cousin on the 23rd, and he just blew up. Yelling how I'm attached to my parents, how we are always with them, he hates going there, that he Will Not go there, that I speak to my mom SOOO much - like at least 1-2 times a week, that he's 40 and he doesn't need to stay with my parents, and on and on. He stresses the fact that he's forced to go there every year and he's not doing it anymore. He decided he's going to see his family that weekend, (which he doesn't really want to do on his days off.)

So, that being said, my original plan was to drive down with my mom on Tues, 19th, and stay until Sat 23rd (hoping he would come down for that day).

So what does this have to do with clomid you ask?

I'm still supposed to go down there with my mom. Today is cd26 and i usually get my period cd27-cd30. I know I ovulated late this month, and don't know if my period is going to be late. The dr wants me to call cd1 and probably go in for a consult, and start clomid cd5. But no matter when I get my period, cd 5 will fall when I am out of town. The problem is, my mom doesn't know about what i'm going through. I really don't want to put this off another month just so I can spend a few days in the Hamptons. But i also can't find a good enough excuse to tell her why I have to be around next week (assuming I get my period on time).


I don't know whats happening now. All I know is that hubby was so mad at me that he stormed out of the house telling me not to call him about anything today. So i guess he doesn't want to know he has a sperm count 5x higher than average.

August 7, 2008

Quite Time

Hubby handed over his 'junk'(as he called it) this morning for his sa.

Now i have to wait 3-4 business days to find out the results. I'll be on cd23/24, which is also a perfect time to talk to my dr about next steps. I'm hoping he'll say IUI.

If it were up to me, I would go for more cd3 blood work and an iui w/clomid. I have to double check what my insurance covers, but i'm down for an iui. Forget about this natural stuff. It's been 16 cycles with no results. I'm so ready for it.

In the meantime, I just spent the day with one of my best childhood friends' and her 2 year old daughter. I'm exhausted and was happy to come home to my quite apartment and my fluffy little dog.