What's Coming Up

I finally called my dr yesterday to hear him say what I knew he would tell me. I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this (as all of us are). But I I'm totally dreading the next step; the HSG.

He said that hubby should go get a sperm count and I should schedule an HSG around cd 9. Then he used the words clomid and laparoscopy.

I'm not ready to do an HSG although I know I'll need to do it. It totally freaks me out, and not because of what they may discover (although that too), but because I totally fear pain. I have a very low threshold and scared out of my mind to get this test. I know it's probably not that bad considering other tests and surgeries, but I get such anxiety.

When I told hubby he needs to get his sperm checked, he started bitching that he's gotta whack off then hand over his cup-o-sperm to a nurse. Then I told him what I have to go through which shut him up rather quickly.

Oh boy. Don't want to do this. I cry everyday wishing it wasn't so hard. I find out from facebook all the people I know/knew from school are pregnant or just had babies. I also cry because at some point I know I need to tell my mom. She's my best friend and tell her just about everything. But I never told her about our plans and that we've been trying (although hubby slipped a few times about a year ago). I've had this secret for so long and I don't know how much longer I can keep this from her, especially when I have to start going through all these tests. I know she'll offer me great support, but I also don't want the nagging questions, comments and advice.

In the meantime, as I type this I hear Oprah talking about her upcoming show...A pregnant man.