Too Sick, Too Tired

I have been sick. It sucks. On Monday i had a tempurture of 101. I was throwing up and in bed all day. I felt a little better the next day, but still had a temp. Yesterday I was finally able to go to work and ate a little more than a piece of bread, although now it turned into a cold of sorts. Very bad timing to get sick according to my new fertility monitor.

About a month ago my sister gave me her Clearblue digital fertility monitor; the one that costs like $200 and the sticks cost $50 a box. She knows I won't talk about the issue, so she handed it to me and I said thanks. I was excited to start using it this cycle because I never really know when I ovulate. With all the charting I've done for the past year, I still can not pin point the day I ovulate. I usually have an idea, but i could be days off.

Anyway, they tell you to start testing on day 6, and continue for 10 days. The monitor differs from the other OPKs because it's (so freakin expensive), and supposed to tell you the low, high and peak days your fertile. Well, from CD 6-9 it was low (as I expected), but on CD10, it said I was peak! CD10? thats super early, and what happened to my high days? It went from low to peak. How is that? But it didn't even matter because I was so sick, there was no way I was getting it on with hubby.

So next day (yesterday), CD11, not only did I see super stretchy ewcm when I woke up (i've been diligently taking my Evening Primrose Oil), it was another peak day. Good thing i was feeling well enough for a deposit last night.

And now today, CD12, the monitor said high fertility. So according to the monitor I already ovulated. wtf? Have I been wrong all this time? I couldn't have been. I've done the opks and they tell me my peak days are cd13, 14 &15.

I'm so over this. I'm tired of the tracking, charting, and the monitoring. I'm tired of thinking about it and worrying if hubby is going to be in the mood to make a deposit. Sometimes i just can't believe this is me. I can't believe I'm the one who can't get pregnant. I'm tired of trying. I'm emotionally drained. The scary part is, the real journey has just begun. The journey of infertility.