Waiting...

CD 2

It is so painful. Numbing. My arms feel like bricks, they are so hard to lift. It never gets easier, even though I’ve been through it 11 times already.
I was prepared for it to come. My boobs hardly tender at all, a far cry from the other night when they hurt to touch them. I also get those annoyingly mild cramps. Cant pinpoint them, but the whole region down there is crampy. When I tell hubby I know its coming, he always makes some comment like “nice that your being so positive”. Well, its hard to be positive when I feel it coming. Its a feeling I cant describe, but women know what I’m talking about. believe me, i try to be positive and hopeful. It's what keeps me going during the painfully long 2ww.


--------- Later----------

I just took my first step to admitting/dealing with my infertility. (I’m sobbing by the way, so this may not make any sense).
I just called my dr. he has to call me back, I guess to see what the appointment will entail and if hubby needs to be there. Hubbys schedule is ridiculously busy and stressful, I don’t know how he’ll be able to do this with me.

My hands are shaking. The tears won’t stop flowing. I am feeling absolutely terrible right now.

What make things worse is Facebook. I love it. I find people I haven't heard from in 10 years. But just yesterday I found someone I went to sleep away camp with. We had an unusual camp experience. For 8 years we were known as the fab 5. Every year, for 8 years we were together. they couldn’t separate us, and they would never dare put anyone else in our bunk. We were the fab 5.

I was thrilled when I saw her on facebook and wondered what everyone else is up to. When she responded she gave me the update. 1 has a one year old. Another has 2 kiddies. And she is due in a few weeks with her 2nd, along with the last fab 5er (they are due on the same day).

Then I start thinking, if I would have gotten pregnant around the time we started trying, I would be due right now too.

I am so sad.

i can't get my thoughts together, yet i have so many racing through my mind. this is a really bad day.

when is the dr going to call me back. i need to make this appointment.


------- Later ------

I just spoke to my dr. I will going in tomorrow for bloodwork.

and so it begins...