February 16, 2008

I Am A Vampire

It’s Saturday and I realize I haven't told hubby that my sister is pregnant yet. It completely slipped my mind. I am not a good sister.

This is huge news for the family, and to think that I forgot, well it’s just terrible. In the past I’ve told him immediately, but in the past I also wasn’t trying to get pregnant for 10 months myself. I guess there are some serious underlying reasons why I haven't told him. All which we can figure out without having to go to a shrink.

He’s at work right now, but I will remember to tell him today.

Actually, what made me think of her even being pregnant, is the fact that we are all (my parents, and my sister and bro-in-law) are going out for my birthday dinner next Saturday. Because we all live so close (either Upper West, or Upper East sides) we always celebrate birthdays with a family dinner. It’s a nice tradition, but I’m so not into my birthday this year. I’m turning 33, which is fine, but I really thought I would be pregnant by now. I’m not going to say I’m depressed, but i'm certainly not as jovial as I usually am. I just think there are more important things to think about than my birthday. And now we have to hear about my sister being pregnant all night long. Keep in mind, she is the overly dramatic type who thinks she’s the only one who is or ever has been pregnant. She’s the overly-cautious-everyone-should-do-everything-for-her-while-she-relaxes kind of person. One day I will tell her that the world does not revolve around her. I know, there is some jealousy and resentment in my tone.

It doesn’t help that no one knows where I stand in the baby making process. They know not to ask me. Months before we started trying hubby slipped and told my parents our timeline. My parents were thrilled to hear the news, and that’s when my mom started with the annoyingness. I quickly told her I am not, and will not talk about it. But still, every once in a while she’ll make a comment or ask me whats going on and if we’re trying. I don’t answer. But I have to say, for the most part she’s been really good about it and respects my wishes.

I’m not going to lie. It’s hard to be happy for my sister. I wish her the best, I do. It’s just going to take a lot of acting next week to put a smile on my face when she starts talking about herself and how she’s feeling.

In the meantime, all I’ve been listening to is the Juno soundtrack and I can't get this song out of my head. It’s fun and makes me happy. Go figure its the music from a movie where a teenager accidentally gets pregnant.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best, and I know exactly how you feel about your sister. My husband and I were in our 2nd year of trying to conceive when my sister, then a 17 year old in high school, got pregnant. Guess who threw her baby shower? I cried many times over her pregnancy, but that night I cried the hardest. (((HUGS)))

Rita said...

I could sit there with you during dinner and give you goofy eyes across the table as we share an inside joke...did I mention my bff is unhappily pregnant?
Find you game face during dinner.
Sending you positive fertility vibes,
~RIta

Rita said...

lol. I can't spell.

s.e. said...

Your vampire song made me smile. I have sisters both with kids. I am waiting for the day of the next announcement. My family knows what I am going through which may be worse. I envy your privacy. Try to enjoy your birthday!

SassyCupcakes said...

We saw Juno last week and loved it although it did hit disturbingly close to home at times. I bet the soundtrack is awesome.

I also want to say that I am so sorry you are going through this. But I'm going to be incredibly rude and say go to the doctor asap. You don't need to wait this long to get help and you deserve to find out what's going on. I know it's scary and you really want to avoid the infertile label but this is more than all of that.