My Shower Theory

CD 29

I feel it coming. I get the mild annoying crampyness going, and i know its on the way. Just spare me and come already. Even though i know the chances of being pregnant are like .5%, i still have the .5% of hope that this might be the month. So until i see red, i'm still so slightly hopeful.

Hubby keeps asking me how i feel. i keep telling him i feel fine. i have nothing to report, i feel nothing different; unlike a few months ago when i had every pregnancy symptom there is.

The one symptom that got me convinced started 2 months into ttc. During the ttw i swear i was feeling things. My boobs were suddenly getting so sore and slightly bigger, which never happened before. Usually my pms consists of bitchyness and mood swings, but never sore bbs. There were a few months that my boobs hurt so much I was protecting them from any accidental poking. So naturally in the back of my mind i'm thinking, yeay, im pregnant. but then as CD 27, 28, 29 rolled around, the soreness got milder and went away. And my period had arrived, bummer. This went on for 6 months. I learned to accept the fact that my boobs are going to hurt every month, and that its not really a sign and i shouldn't get my hopes up. But towards the 5th & 6th month of this the soreness wasn't as bad. And now, nothing. No sore boobs, ever. Not even for a day. WTF. Seriously, wtf.

Last week in the shower i came up with a theory (all the best ideas happen in the shower). So my theory on this bb pain is that i'm having chemical pregnancies. The egg and spermies are meeting, chemical shit happening, my body's reacting and my bbs hurt. But there's no implantation. This would explain the one month that i spotted. Yeah, i know, bb pain and spotting, classic signs. But then my period came and I was shocked. So I'm thinking, it tried to implant, but never did. And now i'm thinking thats the problem, the little ones are unable to implant. And that makes me sad. But i'm still in denial, and its still not 12 months, so i will have hope. One of these little fuckers will be strong enough to implant, and i hopes its a girl.