I forgot to mention that my boobs have been sore since I ovulated, cd13 (now on cd18). This is new for me.
Some months ago I noticed my nipples get really sensitive and hurt for a few days around ovulation. But this month I had really sore boobs and nipples, which kinda sucked. It seems like every few months something new happens. My boobs getting sore a week before my period only started about a year ago. My nips hurting is like a 5 month thing. And this month my boobs hurt. So instead of 1 week of soreness, I get two weeks. Sweet.
I still get all the other crappy pms symptoms too, like bloation, hungry all the time (well, not hungry, but just want to eat), crankiness, and back pain.
Speaking of back pain, I have self diagnosed myself with sciatica. This is a very well educated self diagnosis. A few days after my hsg I had really bad lower back pain. I mean really low, like into my buttocks. It was so painful. I couldn't sit or lay down, and believe it or not it felt better to walk or stand. Of course I searched the internet to find out what it was and what I should do about it. (at this point I thought it might be sciatica or something similar).
I dealt with the pain for a few days, but then it got really bad and pain was running down my butt to my leg. On Monday my leg felt numb and my pinky toe was totally numb. I went to the dr on Tues. and she gave me a couple prescriptions and references for other drs. When I was at work yesterday I was telling people my story and everyone (those who have/had it) agreed and said it's definitely sciatica. They have the exact same symptoms even with the numb pinky toe.
So why didn't the dr tell me that. It's such a common problem, how could she not know? Are doctors so afraid to give a diagnosis just in case they may be wrong and I may sue them? Or did she simply just forget to mention I have sciatica and welcome to old age.
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My dr (obgyn) finally called me back after I put in a call 3 days ago. He said the hsg looks normal; now what. I told him hubbys sa is Aug 7th and i wanted to know about next steps. He said many keep trying naturally, and some start drugs. I asked him about iui, and he said that definetly an option but wants to see the results of the sa. In the meantime keep trying.
This is like the month of no answers.
July 10, 2008
July 2, 2008
Moving forward
Just came back from my hsg...all clear! yeay!
What a heavy load off my shoulders. I have been so worried about this test, for both physical and emotional reasons. I was so ready for them to say 'i see blocked fallopian tubes' or that something is not right with my uterus. I am so, so, so relieved. For now of coarse. I know there could still be a million different things wrong with me, but i'm glad to know my tubes and uterus look good.
I definitely worked myself up for this test. I did too much research, read too many stories. I took 3 aleve prior to the appointment, and i was still shaking out of control. The dr and assistant were so nice, really, they couldnt be nicer. They completely explained everything that was happening, before and during the process. I even got a demonstration with the tube and balloon of what and how it was going to happen. I think the whole thing would have been a breeze if i didnt have such a narrow cervix. Thats when the uncomfortable pain came in. He was having problems getting the catheter through to my uterus, so he was using these long metal things (i forgot what they were called), i guess to widen my cervix and make it easier to get the tube through. They tried 5 times (each metal stick a little thicker and painful) and finally they got it through, blew up the little balloon (slightly painful), and started the dye. At that point I didnt feel a thing (with the exception of the tubes and speculum in me). They told me to tilt to the right, tilt to the left, then I saw the thumbs up. And repeat, pump of dye, tilt right, tilt left, and thumbs up. I was so happy I started to cry.
My husband was there waiting for me, and it was nice to see his face when I walked out to the waiting room. They told me to take it easy and gave me a prescription for Cipro (because they did poke my cervix 5 times), so hubby is getting it for me now.
Honestly, I am so happy that its over. It wasn't the most pleasant, but it could have been worse. Next is hubby's sa, and talk to my dr about next step. I have no problem going for an iui next month (maybe I shouldnt read up on it), even though insurance doesnt cover it. Depending on how much it cost, I think I saved enough for a few cycles worth.
Now I'm excited. I feel better and ready to move forward. I'm ready to embrace science.
btw, thank you for all the well wishes. I truly appreciate your comments.
What a heavy load off my shoulders. I have been so worried about this test, for both physical and emotional reasons. I was so ready for them to say 'i see blocked fallopian tubes' or that something is not right with my uterus. I am so, so, so relieved. For now of coarse. I know there could still be a million different things wrong with me, but i'm glad to know my tubes and uterus look good.
I definitely worked myself up for this test. I did too much research, read too many stories. I took 3 aleve prior to the appointment, and i was still shaking out of control. The dr and assistant were so nice, really, they couldnt be nicer. They completely explained everything that was happening, before and during the process. I even got a demonstration with the tube and balloon of what and how it was going to happen. I think the whole thing would have been a breeze if i didnt have such a narrow cervix. Thats when the uncomfortable pain came in. He was having problems getting the catheter through to my uterus, so he was using these long metal things (i forgot what they were called), i guess to widen my cervix and make it easier to get the tube through. They tried 5 times (each metal stick a little thicker and painful) and finally they got it through, blew up the little balloon (slightly painful), and started the dye. At that point I didnt feel a thing (with the exception of the tubes and speculum in me). They told me to tilt to the right, tilt to the left, then I saw the thumbs up. And repeat, pump of dye, tilt right, tilt left, and thumbs up. I was so happy I started to cry.
My husband was there waiting for me, and it was nice to see his face when I walked out to the waiting room. They told me to take it easy and gave me a prescription for Cipro (because they did poke my cervix 5 times), so hubby is getting it for me now.
Honestly, I am so happy that its over. It wasn't the most pleasant, but it could have been worse. Next is hubby's sa, and talk to my dr about next step. I have no problem going for an iui next month (maybe I shouldnt read up on it), even though insurance doesnt cover it. Depending on how much it cost, I think I saved enough for a few cycles worth.
Now I'm excited. I feel better and ready to move forward. I'm ready to embrace science.
btw, thank you for all the well wishes. I truly appreciate your comments.
July 1, 2008
Food Overload
The Fancy Food Show was great! It's the best trade show ever (if your a foodie like me), and I look forward to it every year. I've been going with my mom for the past 3 or 4 years. You get to see and taste new foods coming to the market, and stuff currently in stores. There are so many vendors, and this year they had a whole section upstairs dedicated to organic/natural foods. I could seriously go on and on about how I love this show and all the great foods I tried (and samples I brought home). Unfortunately we didn't realize there was 3 levels till later today and we completely missed the bottom section because we ran out of time. We only go on the 2nd and 3rd day and we get there around noon, and thats not enough time to see everything. Thats ok though, because I seriously don't think I could taste another piece of cheese, chips or chocolate.
When I got home I had to pick-up my CSA share. Another awesome event. Every week I go to the pick-up site (which is only a few blocks down from my apartment) and get my share from the Chubby Bunny Farm. This week we got garlic scapes, beets, parsley, lettuce, kale, and broccoli rabe. I also signed up for the optional fruit and eggs share, and got wonderful cherries and strawberries. Last year we visited the farm and saw the hens that lay our eggs. I love to see where my food is coming from.
I wish this day wouldn't end. It was a great day, filled with wonderful foods and having fun with my mom. It certainly kept my mind off of tomorrow, which will suck. I get to go for my hsg at 2:30. Hubby said he would meet me there, but he's got a client presentation. I guess he'll leave the meeting early so he can me meet at the drs. office.
Now I have to spend some more time researching how the procedure will go down. I've read so many sites and stories about it, but who ever heard of research overload?
When I got home I had to pick-up my CSA share. Another awesome event. Every week I go to the pick-up site (which is only a few blocks down from my apartment) and get my share from the Chubby Bunny Farm. This week we got garlic scapes, beets, parsley, lettuce, kale, and broccoli rabe. I also signed up for the optional fruit and eggs share, and got wonderful cherries and strawberries. Last year we visited the farm and saw the hens that lay our eggs. I love to see where my food is coming from.
I wish this day wouldn't end. It was a great day, filled with wonderful foods and having fun with my mom. It certainly kept my mind off of tomorrow, which will suck. I get to go for my hsg at 2:30. Hubby said he would meet me there, but he's got a client presentation. I guess he'll leave the meeting early so he can me meet at the drs. office.
Now I have to spend some more time researching how the procedure will go down. I've read so many sites and stories about it, but who ever heard of research overload?
June 30, 2008
Yeay, I Mean Yikes
Yeay!! Going to the Fancy Food show today!!! Very excited to check out all the new foods this year.
On a less exciting note, my hsg is on Wed. yikes.
On a less exciting note, my hsg is on Wed. yikes.
June 23, 2008
A little Excited, A Lot Nervous
CD1
HSG - 9 days away
Yep, you read that right. I finally scheduled my hsg. Needless to say, I'm a nervous wreck. I have a ton of emotions and thoughts running through my little brain right now. I was really hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. But after 15 cycles, I think its time. I gotta do what I gotta do. And I gotta go for an hsg.
I'm totally freaking out because of the pain factor. I've been scouring the internet (for months) and reading peoples comments (probably not the best thing to do, but I like to prepare myself). Some say it feels like really bad period cramps, which I get, but i don't handle them gracefully. Some times I sit on the couch rocking back and forth to try and tolerate, or I'm curled up on my bed feeling like i'm going to pass out. Ouch. I just can't images laying still, on a table, with a tube stuck up my uterus, and iodine getting pushed in areas it shouldn't be, dealing with that kind of pain. I'll certainly be taking at least 3 Aleves and whatever else i can find in the apartment. I'm hoping that will help.
I have to say, I'm also a little nervous with what they might find. Let's just say, I haven't always been such a good girl. I'm not proud of my past, and I pray that my carefree party days doesn't come back to haunt me.
I also have to schedule hubby's sa. I've already called the dr, and now I just need to schedule a time. Hubby doesn't know how easy he's got it. For his test we can make the collection at home and bring it to the lab within the hour. Not too bad. It beats laying down in a freezing cold room with a wimpy gown on, legs spread and a catheter up my cervix.
Anyway, I'm excited to finally get this over with. Obviously not excited for the test, but I feel like we're moving ahead and doing something. I'm being proactive. I know when the day comes, all the excitement will be gone, and I'll be throwing up with nerves. I just hope I don't throw up all over the pretty pink gown they give me.
HSG - 9 days away
Yep, you read that right. I finally scheduled my hsg. Needless to say, I'm a nervous wreck. I have a ton of emotions and thoughts running through my little brain right now. I was really hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. But after 15 cycles, I think its time. I gotta do what I gotta do. And I gotta go for an hsg.
I'm totally freaking out because of the pain factor. I've been scouring the internet (for months) and reading peoples comments (probably not the best thing to do, but I like to prepare myself). Some say it feels like really bad period cramps, which I get, but i don't handle them gracefully. Some times I sit on the couch rocking back and forth to try and tolerate, or I'm curled up on my bed feeling like i'm going to pass out. Ouch. I just can't images laying still, on a table, with a tube stuck up my uterus, and iodine getting pushed in areas it shouldn't be, dealing with that kind of pain. I'll certainly be taking at least 3 Aleves and whatever else i can find in the apartment. I'm hoping that will help.
I have to say, I'm also a little nervous with what they might find. Let's just say, I haven't always been such a good girl. I'm not proud of my past, and I pray that my carefree party days doesn't come back to haunt me.
I also have to schedule hubby's sa. I've already called the dr, and now I just need to schedule a time. Hubby doesn't know how easy he's got it. For his test we can make the collection at home and bring it to the lab within the hour. Not too bad. It beats laying down in a freezing cold room with a wimpy gown on, legs spread and a catheter up my cervix.
Anyway, I'm excited to finally get this over with. Obviously not excited for the test, but I feel like we're moving ahead and doing something. I'm being proactive. I know when the day comes, all the excitement will be gone, and I'll be throwing up with nerves. I just hope I don't throw up all over the pretty pink gown they give me.
June 9, 2008
TMI Alert
I've begun the tww. the dreaded tww. one minute I'm so hopeful and think this is it. The next moment I'm sobbing because I know there is no chance.
I did everything I could to improve my cm this month. I was taking evening prim rose, drinking lots of water and dong quai tea and took some Robitussin tablets. I also used the fertility monitor that my pregnant sister gave me. I think we had good timing, for the most part. We could have added a few more days but hubby has been so busy at work, he literally had no time. Early in the week he was coming home at 3am, and leaving for work at 8am. The poor guy was so tired and stressed, but I made sure to tell him of the really important days.
This is how it went (again, tmi, but maybe someone can relate...)
CD8 - watery, leaked a bit (low of fm)
CD9 - lots of stretchy in the evening, (hubby nowhere to be found) (low on fm)
CD10 - little stretchy, not as much, but there. Back was hurting. (low of fm)
CD11 - little cm, no stretchy (low on fm)
CD12 - little cm, lotiony, but no stretchy (high on fm)
CD13 - little cm, drier in the am, then lotiony, no stretchy, nips hurt, back hurt, feeling little crampy (peak on fm)
CD14 - some cm, much thicker and sticky, nips really hurt (peak on fm)
CD15 - more thick and sticky, nips still hurt (high on fm)
I realize why I never know when I ovulate, its because my ewcm does not come at the same time as ovulation. wtf. where is the ewcm on the high/peak days? And how can the fm tell me high when I know no spermies could swim through my cm. I think I ovulated Sat night (cd13) If that is the case, then we had good timing. We are really hoping for this month because it would give us a pisces baby, and we're both pisces.
This is so frustrating. I seriously hate this time of the month.
Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Please please, please.
I did everything I could to improve my cm this month. I was taking evening prim rose, drinking lots of water and dong quai tea and took some Robitussin tablets. I also used the fertility monitor that my pregnant sister gave me. I think we had good timing, for the most part. We could have added a few more days but hubby has been so busy at work, he literally had no time. Early in the week he was coming home at 3am, and leaving for work at 8am. The poor guy was so tired and stressed, but I made sure to tell him of the really important days.
This is how it went (again, tmi, but maybe someone can relate...)
CD8 - watery, leaked a bit (low of fm)
CD9 - lots of stretchy in the evening, (hubby nowhere to be found) (low on fm)
CD10 - little stretchy, not as much, but there. Back was hurting. (low of fm)
CD11 - little cm, no stretchy (low on fm)
CD12 - little cm, lotiony, but no stretchy (high on fm)
CD13 - little cm, drier in the am, then lotiony, no stretchy, nips hurt, back hurt, feeling little crampy (peak on fm)
CD14 - some cm, much thicker and sticky, nips really hurt (peak on fm)
CD15 - more thick and sticky, nips still hurt (high on fm)
I realize why I never know when I ovulate, its because my ewcm does not come at the same time as ovulation. wtf. where is the ewcm on the high/peak days? And how can the fm tell me high when I know no spermies could swim through my cm. I think I ovulated Sat night (cd13) If that is the case, then we had good timing. We are really hoping for this month because it would give us a pisces baby, and we're both pisces.
This is so frustrating. I seriously hate this time of the month.
Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Please please, please.
June 6, 2008
The Conflict
I'm not sure why I haven't called for an appointment yet. I guess I keep hoping 'this' will be the month. Yet in my mind I know it's not happening.
This morning i was wondering if i'm not moving forward because i'm not getting the support/push i need. Hubby is supportive in a way, he just kinda yeses me. If i say something, his response is OK, and then the conversation is done. Like last weekend when I told him I called our insurance company to find out whats covered. Then told him he needs to get an sa, and I get the hsg. All he said was, OK. We never really talk about it, and he never asks about it. (the only time he asks about anything is around ovulation, when he needs to 'perform', and sometimes asks if I've gotten my period). Don't get me wrong, he's a really sensitive guy, sometimes too sensitive, but i dont think he knows what to do, plus he's always too busy at work to worry about our situation. He kinda just goes along with things and says it will happen when it happens.
It WILL happen when it happens, but it will be because I am being proactive about it, like getting some tests done and seeing what the problem is. But i'm insanely nervous to move forward, and I sometimes think i need that push for me to actually do it. I need to know someone will be there with me and hold my hand and say 'don't worry, i'm here with you'.
This is where the conflicting comes in to play. I know there is one person in this world who will be everything i need them to be. They would be there on a drop of a dime. Be the support that I need, and give me that push when I need it, but also know when to back off. They would be sensitive, caring and give me hope, but also be a realist. I can say and do anything and know I'll still be loved unconditionally. There is only one person i trust more than myself.
My mom.
For the past year I've kept this secret. But i don't know how much longer i can keep it.
This morning i was wondering if i'm not moving forward because i'm not getting the support/push i need. Hubby is supportive in a way, he just kinda yeses me. If i say something, his response is OK, and then the conversation is done. Like last weekend when I told him I called our insurance company to find out whats covered. Then told him he needs to get an sa, and I get the hsg. All he said was, OK. We never really talk about it, and he never asks about it. (the only time he asks about anything is around ovulation, when he needs to 'perform', and sometimes asks if I've gotten my period). Don't get me wrong, he's a really sensitive guy, sometimes too sensitive, but i dont think he knows what to do, plus he's always too busy at work to worry about our situation. He kinda just goes along with things and says it will happen when it happens.
It WILL happen when it happens, but it will be because I am being proactive about it, like getting some tests done and seeing what the problem is. But i'm insanely nervous to move forward, and I sometimes think i need that push for me to actually do it. I need to know someone will be there with me and hold my hand and say 'don't worry, i'm here with you'.
This is where the conflicting comes in to play. I know there is one person in this world who will be everything i need them to be. They would be there on a drop of a dime. Be the support that I need, and give me that push when I need it, but also know when to back off. They would be sensitive, caring and give me hope, but also be a realist. I can say and do anything and know I'll still be loved unconditionally. There is only one person i trust more than myself.
My mom.
For the past year I've kept this secret. But i don't know how much longer i can keep it.
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