Happy Valentine's Day

Well, I just got the call that I knew was coming. My sister is pregnant. Happy fucking Valentines Day.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for her. Really, I am. She's gone through so much, both emotionally and physically. She deserves this just as much as anyone else. They implanted 3 embryos, with the odds of 3 developing at only 6%. I guess because the eggs have been frozen, so the quality isn't as great. But it is likely she could have 2. At this point she's OK with that. 2 years ago when she started this process, she was freaking out over the idea of having twins - totally freaking.

She definitely got what she wanted for V-day. She is happy. I am happy for her.

But it still fucking sucks. I want to be pregnant. I want to feel her joy.

I hate this holiday ‘Valentines Day’, always have. It's a stupid Hallmark day that makes you spend more money on cards and things no one wants. A day when restaurants can hike up prices and people wear red. It's not that I'm not romantic, but I'll be romantic when I want to be, not because America decided on this day. I wanted to boycott this day, but instead we decided to spend no more than $25 – no surprises. I usually make a nice dinner, but i’m not into it this year. I really don’t feel like doing anything. Hubby left me a rose at the door when he was leaving this morning. So far I’ve gotten him a card.

Although, I have to say, I am happy and excited for today. Cuz tonight is the start of baby making. CD 11. I've been really good with taking my vitamins, drinking tea and taking the evening primrose. And it works! I had some stretchy cm last night. it wasn't as clear as they talk about, but it stretched, and that a good thing.

So maybe this will be my month. Maybe my sister and I could be pregnant together. Despite all the competitiveness and jealousy and sibling rivalry, I wouldn't mind doing this together; having this miracle bring us closer together.

I wish that's what God intended. Please, let this be my month.