September 15, 2008

Hoping I'm Wrong

I totally feel my period coming. I have those annoying mild cramps and my boobs are not hurting as much as yesterday.

CD27

Tomorrow will be 14dpiui. I've had several sob sessions today (good thing I'm working from home today). I'm guessing it will show up tomorrow or the next day. This sucks. This sucks so bad.

I still have that tiny bit of hope that I'm wrong. And I refuse to test, but I want to so bad. At this point it's just a waste of money. But I think I'm more afraid not to see that 2nd pink line. So I wait and really test my willpower.

Every time I visit Facebook I find out someone else is pregnant or just had a baby. Today I found out a high school friend is pregnant with her 2nd. Great.

I don't even know what to say or how to feel. My mind is blank, almost numb. All i can think about is what I have to do next. Call an RE. Get more blood work done. Take drugs. Do another iui.

I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of trying, then hoping, then being disappointed. But the real sad part is I've just begun this infertility process. We'll be on cycle 18 but treatment #2. This could go on for a lot longer.

Where do people find the strength?

2 comments:

Hope said...

Coping with infertility is so frustrating and draining that you just don't know how to keep going. It really sucks! Sometimes taking a break helps or sometimes jumping right back in helps - but in the meantime I'm really hoping you are wrong and your AF doesn't come!

CG said...

IF is difficult to deal with. The waiting and hoping always takes a toll. I will be praying for you.